The Toys of Summer

When I was a kid, “go play outside” meant, “Please get as physically far away from me as possible. I don’t care what you do, as long as you aren’t doing it in the house.” The neighborhood—and the neighboring neighborhood, and generally the neighborhood neighboring the neighboring neighborhood—belonged to kids to explore, as long as we made it home for dinner.

In today’s more paranoid culture, sending kids out without supervision is far less acceptable—rarely do I see a child wandering away from the confines of his or her own yard. But, as my kids have told me, “yards are boring.” Luckily, the solution to mid-summer ennui is as close as the toy store, where you’ll find a supply of the latest and hottest water toys—ready to keep your kids cool, ruin the grass in your yard and possibly break a rib or two.

First there's the inflatable water slide. Perhaps you’ve seen one of these 19-foot slides hanging from the ceiling at your local superstore. Perhaps your kids have seen it, too, and begged you to please, please, please buy it, all the way through the grocery section, past the toilet paper and the cosmetics and the clothing, through the checkout counter, all the way home, and every five minutes for the next several weeks. Perhaps just as you thought they’d forgotten all about it, the thing showed up on the front cover of said superstore’s Sunday-paper circular and started the begging all over again.

I really waffled on this one. I mean, the thing looks incredibly fun. But besides the obvious aesthetic problems with having one of these monstrosities planted in the middle of our backyard, I was worried that it would make my boys the Most Popular Kids in the Neighborhood. And while I’m sure that would have thrilled my boys, I’m just not rich enough to supply popsicles to half the kids in town.

Then there's the Slip N Slide (or Crocodile Mile or Wet & Wild or...) Well, the Slip ‘N Slide’s gone deluxe since its early days, with a double-sided racing slide and improved wetting action. What could be better than hurtling one’s body through the air onto a piece of wet plastic?

Here’s a word to the wise—yes, the Slip ‘N Slide is very, very tempting, for kids and adults alike. But Mom and Dad, it’s not like you remember. First of all, you’re taller now, and therefore have a lot farther to drop than do your three- and four-foot tots. And you’re heavier, so you’ll get going a lot faster and have a much harder time stopping. Even when you’ve ripped the bumper on the end of the slide right off with your body. Even when you’ve flown off the slide and continued through the grass, getting cut up on twigs and stones in your path. I’m not saying don’t try it—just be sure your insurance policy covers emergency-room visits.

Then you've got the new breed of water guns. I'd always thought the purpose of playing with water guns was so that kids could enjoy some outdoor fun while also frolicking in a refreshing mist of tap water. But as it turns out, the real purpose of water gun play is to torture your friends and siblings with a high-pressure, freezing cold blast of water!

You can now buy water guns that actually keep the water chilled -- with ICE CUBES -- and blast it up something like 40 feet away. As though wet willies, snake bites and half Nelsons weren’t enough, now neighborhood bullies and big siblings have a new weapon to add to their arsenal—a forceful, ice-cold spray of water they can use on other kids at close range.

Sorry boys, but I think this year we'll stay away from the popular water toys. I don't want to enable sibling torture, break a rib, or spend all day watching to make sure no neighborhood kids fall off the top of a water slide in my yard. I'd rather take a more relaxed approach to summer fun, sipping lemonade while the boys play the old-fashioned way: running around the yard, picking up sticks, hunting for fireflies and riding scooters in the driveway. 

And maybe once in a while, tossing water balloons at each other.

Hey, I'm not a total meanie.

Author and mom of five, Meagan Francis also blogs at www.thehappiestmom.com.

Original post to Chicago Moms Blog.